February 5, 2025
A lot has happened recently and I want to share something that happened to me a couple years ago because I think it could be of some help.
Back in June of 2023, I had an especially terrible day during an already awful time in my illness. At that point I had been experiencing fevers everyday for about 6 months and had been seriously ill for over 2-½ years. The fevers would last for 10-12 hours at a time and I would shake during the entire duration of the fever. I was also experiencing a slew of other problems- cardiac issues, struggling to eat, vomiting, loss of equilibrium… severe dysautonomia because of long-COVID. I couldn’t do anything to pass the time while I had a fever because it intensified my symptoms to the point of agony - I couldn’t watch a movie, or read a book, or sleep. All I could do was exist. Not to mention, the fatigue I experienced was so intense that I could barely move. I was terrified and felt completely hopeless. In fact I can’t recall another time when I felt so uncertain of my own future.
This was also right around Father’s Day. My dad died when I was 17 (I’m now 35) and 2023 marked the fact that I had lived without him for half of my life. I missed him terribly and wished he were here while I was going through such an awful time. Everything hit me all at once that day; I just couldn't stop crying.
Throughout my illness, my mom has taken care of me and luckily she works remotely. But her home office is in the basement and I had to stay upstairs near everything I needed because I could barely move. Stairs were an almost impossible feat at that time. I was also too ill and shaking too much that day to even call or text family or friends. I had to wait to talk to her until she could take a break. This might not sound so bad because I was in the safety and comfort of my home. But serious illness creates an overwhelming sense of isolation. This was compounded by an almost claustrophobic feeling of being a prisoner in my own body.
After about two hours of crying, I was starting to get a headache and decided to distract myself by trying to watch TV. Within seconds of turning on the TV, the person onscreen mentioned the name of a classical music piece that I ALWAYS associated with my dad. In that instant, I snapped out of the doom-and-gloom. It’s not that any of my circumstances had suddenly changed. It was because of the connection I felt to my dad at that moment.
I’m sharing this to remind everyone that the connections you have with others are what will help you through these difficult times. This is the time to seek out, lean into, and show up for others. Although it’s easy to get caught up in the business of everyday life, don’t put off plans, make it happen. Call or text loved ones. Go to a bar afterwork with your coworkers. Shovel the sidewalk in front of your neighbor’s home and make it an opportunity to say hello. Don’t forget about your family or friends that work all the time - grab coffee to go and spend time together while they run errands if that’s their only time away from work. (This is something I’ve done with friends who are single parents because they have almost no free time.)
My suggestions might sound frivolous. In our society, concepts like love, friendship, community, joy, rest, empathy, and kindness are mocked. They’re regarded as trivial, a sign of weakness, or a personal moral failing to seek them out. But they are the most important things! If they weren’t the most important, we wouldn’t be experiencing a loneliness epidemic, the effects of which are observable, powerful, and destructive; and the powerful people of this country wouldn’t be working hard to convince everyone that empathy is a sin.
It’s important to remember that resistance to what’s happening is going to look different from person to person and all of it is important. If you’re struggling to know how to respond to this moment, begin by focusing on those right around you. We are more isolated from each other than ever and this isolation and loneliness is a big contributor to the rise of fascism here in the US. Begin by building or rebuilding your communities, even if it’s just you and one other person.
Take care!